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Shrinking from or Inflating Our Own Power
Among other reasons, most coaches get into this field because they genuinely want to help others. While it is likely that coaching will support clients, when left to unconscious motivations the coach's desire to "help" could subtly usurp a client's power . The desire to fix, save, parent, or teach our clients may inflate our power and shrink the client's. Here are some common ways our actions can dis-empower clients.

1. Taking on responsibilities that belong to the client. This often shows up with a coach's seemingly innocent act of discounting coaching fees reasoning that the client cannot afford their full fee. Underneath, there is often a shadow motivation of wanting to save the client or wanting clients at any cost. Not only will the coach dedicate coaching hours to a lower return on investment and postpone financial success, but the client may suffer as well.

Discounting fees most often results in less effective coaching because the client's investment in themselves is diminished. There is an unstated arrogance in assuming the responsibilities of others -- it conveys an energetic message that the other person needs us to be whole. In the co-creative relationship of coaching we hold that the client is creative, resourceful and whole. We don't want to unwittingly take that power away from our clients through shadow motivations.

Consciously set up pro bono relationships or scholarships may work well if the motivation is expressly to give a gift -- something that a well-established coach might choose to do. Even then, it will be important to ask the client to take on additional responsibilities to "pay" for the coaching so that they can maintain empowerment.

2. Operating on assumptions. It's normal to leap to assumptions but a conscious coach will check in with a client before basing their questions and statements around an assumption.
3. Asking leading questions and making leading statements. Even the sharpest clients can be lead where they didn't intend to go by an unconscious coach. Open-ended questions allow the client to express themselves fully where leading questions limit their perspective and may hijack the session.
4. Buying into a client's interpretations as fact. Validate the feelings associated with their story but also support your client to separate the facts from their interpretations.
5. Trying to get your needs met through clients. It's true that to be financially successful, we need paying clients in our practices. Keeping a client in your practice who is not a good fit, or trying to get other needs met through clients creates counter-transference (dependence on the client). One way or another these things will come back to haunt you. Separate your own needs from your professional service to your clients.
6. Deflating your power. If you somehow show up as less than you are, your clients will suffer. Self-deprecation, holding back a challenge or intuitive thought, attaching to outcome, or setting your business up for failure will diminish the balance of the co-creative relationship.

1. Concisely own the mistake with your client without either exaggerating or underplaying it.
2. Share what you've learned from your mistake.
3. Set an intention to do and be different in your approach. I just realized that I've been operating on an assumption of what I think you want out of your session today. I see that I've hijacked your real agenda and that doesn't serve you well. Tell me what you want to take away from this session today and that will be the focus of my questions from this point forward.

To develop your power dynamics consciousness:

1. Work with a mentor coach to improve your standards and awareness of motivations.
2. Have that mentor coach listen in on your coaching sessions to inquire about motivations that could be suspect and give you feedback about ways to improve. For more information about Private Coach the Coach Sessions, contact me.
3. Dialogue with peer groups on ethics and power dynamics.
4. Invest in the book/training program for helping professionals called Right Use of Power, by Cedar Barstow.