Learn how your ad can appear here! Get Your Vision Board Iphone/Ipod App and start moving toward your dreams today! Books by this Author All Aboard the Brain Train Teach Your Child to Travel a Purpose-Filled Path Think of your child’s brain as a series of train tracks with thousands of stations. The Brain can be trained to travel to magnificent destinations. "All Aboard the Brain Train" will help you train your child’s brain to lay tracks in the most positive directions.   Friendship on Fire: 52 Weeks to Passionate and Intimate Connections for Life Do you feel like the sparkle in your relationship is dying? If you want to start – or keep – the glow of love in your relationships, then begin building a solid Friendship on Fire.   The New Marriage: Transcending The Happily Ever After Myth Make your marriage succeed, even though seven out of ten couples who marry today will eventually divorce. Learn how to identify and overcome the emotional problems that arise from marital troubles, and gain the knowledge to achieve a long-lasting union. Strengthen yourself and your partner instead of helplessly watching your marriage dissolve.   Train Your Brain: 8 Keys to Successful Relationships (CD) This CD is taken from Dr. Miles’ successful radio appearances around the country. Through humor and real life examples from her practice as a Marriage and Family Therapist, Dr. Miles focuses on how to stop blaming and start living.   Train Your Brain: For a Peaceful Pregnancy (CD) Stress for the mother equates to stress for the baby! Parent's reactions to stress, train the child's brain. Parent's relaxation can train them better.   Train Your Brain: For Successful Relationships Love is a Practice. You CAN change your brain patterns and chemistry. A respected Neuroscientist, Dr. Wayne Drevets explains, "In the brain, practice makes permanent." With regular use, this CD is designed to create more inner peace.. Using techniques that have been researched at major universities, Dr. Linda Miles, psychotherapist and author for thirty years, leads you through mental exercises for mind and body control that research has shown to effectively lower blood pressure, improve sleep, improve the immune system and reduce stress reactions.   Train Your Brain: To Be Heart Smart Deep Relaxation Techniques. Specifically designed for people at risk for heart problems (high blood pressure, family history, elevated cholesterol, type A personality) or those with cardiovascular symptoms or problems or those recovering from heart surgery.   Unlimited Autoresponders! Unlimited AdTracking! Free 30 Day Trial! http://www.trafficwave.net Feature Articles: The First Step to Manifesting Money... Goal Achieving Strategy - Thinking Prosperity... Build a Better Business - Give Up the Copy-ca... Life Balance: 3 Ways to Bring More Peace and ... 3 Biggest Mistakes With the Laws of Attractio... How to Detox and Balance your Immune System f... Thanksgiving Day and the Secret to Wellbeing... Vegan Handbags: Where Style Meets Compassion... Click here for more >>

Solutions that worked in early childhood often fall short when we mature. In fact, fairytale thinking, if not replaced by more realistic problem-solving, can remain with us into adulthood, creating unrealistic expectations that leave us ill-equipped to deal with life´s everyday problems and stress.

Fairytales are like the frosting on the cake; they are the sugary solutions that cover unconscious impulses children try to control, but have not yet dealt with; because the cake underneath is the true basis for realistic problem solving. By helping children learn to develop realistic solutions to replace the myths and fantasies, parents help children mix the cake, which is then baked in the heat of real-life problems and experiences.

Mixing the cake

By the time children are pre-schoolers, parents need to help them move from the emotional, magical problem-solving of fairytale thinking toward thinking about what they feel in actual situations. For example, a parent might ask, "How do you think you should handle the problem?" Then, help the child develop a solution.

Unfortunately, when children do not get enough direction from adults, their emotions remain disconnected from their thinking process. This can lead to angry outbursts or feelings of helplessness that can continue into adulthood.

It is helpful to teach children real-life, concrete examples of problem solving. For example, "When you are running by the pool you could slip and fall." With my son I shared times when I felt left out and helpless. After that, I also shared with him that actions I took to solve the problem. Children need a lot of examples that clearly show them how-to manage their emotions and impulses. It is also helpful for parents to share how they dealt with challenges of their childhoods.

Leaving perfect behind

In fairytales it is always clear who are the good guys and who are the bad guys. But, this also allows a child to do what is known as splitting. Splitting is when a child sees one parent as all good and the other as all bad. Problems develop when splitting continues into adulthood. Thus, the handsome prince, the dad, who is all good, becomes the orge who is all bad. And this happens within all different kinds of relationships, friendships, co-workers, even with neighbors.

Children think in magical terms, in all-or-nothing solutions. They believe that they are the center of the universe, but they are also naturally narcissistic, feeling as though they have to fight great forces for their place in the world. Children who learn that this is the normal way to be, grow to believe as adults that there is something wrong with them because they are not living the happily ever after scenario. Based upon this learning I´ve seen disaster after disaster in my psychotherapy practice.

Hopefully, as adults, we become more humble and realistic about our place in the world and learn to make a difference by loving as much as we can from wherever we are. Then, we are no longer looking for our perfect prince or princess. We recognize we are relating to real-life human beings, flaws and all. We are also capable of feeling valuable even if we are not the most beautiful prince or princess who ever lived.

In The New Marriage, there are contemporary answers to these transformations. People can learn that we are all inner-connected and that they can learn respect and compassion. This does not mean that they allow themselves to be victimized or abused. The mature person is able to face the difficult forces around them with creativity, flexibility, compassion and humor.

The frosting of magical wishes is important for a child´s development. However, true transforming requires a hearty cake that can be baked in the oven by real-life experience, in order to fulfill and live our dreams.

Copyright 2005 Linda Miles Ph.D