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Being the primary support of a family of eight who needed Christmas presents, I began to panic a little. I did have money in my savings account, but I had saved that to pay a property tax bill due on December 20th. I didn't dare dip into it for Christmas nor did I wish to put Christmas on a credit card... especially since I'd spent all year systematically getting rid of credit cards.

But each day, after school, my six children would congregate in my office and ask me if I'd bought any Christmas. They shoved their Christmas lists into my desk drawer and periodically pulled them out to add more items. As the clock ticked down and the money wasn't rolling in and the lists grew even longer, I started to panic. It was a strange feeling to be fearful about money. I tried to be positive, but as we got one week away from Christmas, and I struggled to just pay bills, much less buy Christmas, I became irritable, depressed and downright dejected. I found myself murmuring "I hate Christmas!" The moment I said it, I knew I'd lost something... I'd forgotten the true meaning of the season. I knew I had to rein in my thoughts. They were out of control on the negative side of the spectrum.

But no matter how hard I tried to be positive, I just couldn't do it. I don't know exactly why. I can usually dig in and make things work with positive thinking, gratitude and innovative ideas, but no matter how creative and ingenious I tried to be in bringing in the cash, nothing worked. It was as if the laws of the universe that had worked in the past were suddenly suspended. As a result, my thoughts grew more negative by the day. What really worried me was that I've learned from experience that while I have control of what I want and why I want it, I have little control of when it's going to happen.

I forced myself to envision Christmas morning with my children opening their presents. I reminded myself why I wanted them to have a fun Christmas. They're good children who have behaved well and are not lavished with gifts throughout the year. It's a joy to me to see their elated faces on Christmas morning.

Which brings us to the mini-fridge...Joshua (our 13-year-old) wants a mini-fridge for his room. Don't ask me why... I suppose a 13-year-old boy gets a thrill out of holing up in his bedroom reading fantasy novels, playing video games and drinking sodas from his own mini-fridge. So anyway, up until Thursday, the 15th, I'd been setting goals related to money... how much money it would take to get the Christmas presents and pay bills, but then I realized my mistake. I began envisioning Josh's mini-fridge, Elijah's train, Jill's Barbie house surrounding the Christmas tree. I saw my children's ecstatically happy faces as they opened their gifts. I felt the joy I'd feel Christmas morning to see them so happy. But still nothing happened. Business was dead... dead as a doornail.

By Friday the 16th, I was completely depressed, and I couldn't stop dwelling negatively upon my problem. That afternoon, Joshua took it upon himself to help me think positive and sat with me in my office brainstorming on business ideas and primarily just telling me that I could do it and to expect a miracle. "Saturday will be a day of miracles, Mom. Expect it," he encouraged. To be honest I just laughed, but nonetheless I was proud of him and happy that someone could think positive.

Saturday came and all I could do was pray... tell the Lord that I couldn't seem to muster the positive thoughts needed and laid it at His feet. Then, I took a book along with me to my 9-year-old's basketball jamboree. During the hours between her 10-minute games, I read Ron Carter's In Joan's Defense which had absolutely nothing to do with Christmas or my money issues. But it held my interest, kept me captivated and most of all, kept me from thinking a single thought about my problem for 3-4 hours. When I got home, there was a $100 sale waiting for me. Then my parents arrived early for our annual Christmas party to be held next door at my sister's house. My mother generously gave us $90 cash that she said she was going to spend on presents for Greg and me, but thought I might take it and use it however I wished. I told her I'd use it for the kids.

I took a shower and prepared for the Christmas party. Calculating the money I'd just received, along with some money I had in another savings account and a check my husband had coming in on Tuesday, I decided we should be able to give our six children a decent Christmas. I finally felt the first wave of positive thought... this would work out... everything would turn out all right... there might not be a mini-fridge for Josh or quite as many other higher-ticket items, but there would be something.

We spent the evening at my sister's enjoying a wonderful party with our friends and family. For me it was a chance to really catch the spirit of Christmas. When the party was over, I stood with my sister thanking her for inviting us and chatting. I mentioned in passing that Josh wanted a mini-fridge for Christmas and she said, "Oh! Don't buy one. I've got one upstairs in the closet that I need to get rid of. It still works and I need to get it out of here and free up the space." My eyes widened in disbelief as I offered to reimburse her for it, but she insisted she wanted no payment and told me I could come pick it up on Monday.

It was just what I needed to remind me that God is in control that He looks out for us, that He prepares ways to provide for us in His perfect Matchmaker fashion. In that instant all the doubt and disbelief melted away and became faith... no, knowledge.

With that moment, the dam broke and the money that had been so elusive for three weeks came flooding in. On Saturday and Sunday, more money flowed into my bank accounts than I'd seen during the previous three weeks. There was enough to pay bills and give my children the Christmas I wanted them to have.

I learned five important things from this experience:

Get a clear picture of what you want, not the money it takes to get it. When I obsessed about the amount of money it would take, nothing worked. When I started visualizing the feeling I'd have when I saw my children's elated faces Christmas morning, things started to happen.

1. When you can't muster the faith or the positive thoughts, give it to God in prayer and solicit the aid of others to think positive for you. I have no doubt that my friend's and my son's positive thoughts and prayers carried me through.
2. When you've done all you can do, when you're trying too hard, or thinking negative, let it go. Get your mind off it. Go to a movie, read a book, do something that completely breaks your thoughts regarding the matter.
3. Don't limit how the things you want will come to you. It may not involve money at all.
4. And a practical lesson, prepare ahead. I'm starting a Christmas savings fund in January and adding to it throughout the year so I don't get in this pickle again!

I started not to even write this article. After all, I have written a whole book on how to leave worry behind, and here I'd let myself slip into full-blown worry and doubt. But I wanted those who struggle to know that even those who should know better can falter. None of us are perfect, and that is why Christ's atoning grace is there for us... to make up the difference when we just can't manage what it takes to succeed.

I am eternally grateful for His love, His sweet assuring compassion and interest in the details of our lives. Just as a parent wants to give good gifts to their children, our Heavenly Father wants to bless us with the little things that bring us joy. Of His most precious gifts are the people in our lives who love us enough to hold the faith when we can't muster another ounce of it.