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I was the lead female singer with several pop/rock bands and this night I was singing one of my signature songs, which included high notes that I hit hard and loud. A confident, poised lead singer will pull the microphone back a ways from her mouth when she hits the loud notes, thus preserving the hearing of the sound guys wearing headphones to monitor the sound mix. However, know that I was terrible at remembering to pull the microphone away from my mouth when I hit these loud notes. So, this night, as I took a deep breath and hit the first high note, I watched the head sound tech, rip the headphones from his head, throwing them to the floor. I could tell he was miffed, to say the least. Brian proceeded quietly, but furiously rant and rave at the other sound guys and I knew that his ears would be ringing for hours because of my mistake. I had seen this guy helping to roll up cords and things after dances, but his reaction to having his eardrums destroyed by my voice had caught my attention. Thus, you have my first vivid memory of Brian.

After that dance I watched Brian roll up cords and put away equipment. He was obviously very grumpy. And no wonder! I’m sure all he could hear was that high, loud ‘d’. I watched him, sort of afraid to go apologize because he was frowning, cranky and probably deaf now. So I studied him for a moment. He was kind of large, his hair was thinning a bit and I guessed he must be in his late twenties. However, as I stood there watching him work, frowning and muttering under his breath, something inside told me there was a lot more to this guy. Someone very unique and special was hiding under that rough exterior bathed in low self-esteem.

And so you see, this is the story of a person who taught me one of life’s greatest lessons. The person who showed me that befriending a soul, who you might think is frightening, mean and scary, can bring a hero into your life. One who blesses your heart and soul with lasting love and tender memories….making you a better person because you knew them.

Brian was actually only 19. As I watched him for a few days, trying to find the nerve to talk to him and apologize for the permanent damage I may have caused his grouchy eardrums, I notices he never smiled. He wore what I like to call a, ‘perpetual frown,’ and was pretty anti-social. Never the less, somehow I found the courage to smile at him a few times. Eventually I found the guts to talk to him, and even flirt with him just a little. Sure! He was grumpy and unresponsive to me at first. But it wasn’t long before I began to notice a change in him. Brian started smiling back at me! Talking to me, and sort of blushing when I’d offer sincere compliments to him. He began to pamper me, too! Oft he would step up onto the stage before a dance and give special attention to my microphone. He’d check to make sure the foam cover on my mic was fresh and didn’t smell like someone else’s bad breath. If it did, he’d just take the foam off and let me sing without it.

It was during one of these intimate mic/smelly foam checks that I clearly remember the first long sentence Brian ever spoke to me.

He said, “Don’t worry about blowing my ears out. I know your songs enough that I can turn you down at the mixing board…for my own safety.” He smiled at me and I noted that he actually had a very charming grin to compliment his rather boyish face once the frown was gone.

Brian was not overly verbose like I am. However, he began to talk to me considerably more than he did to anyone else and we began to form a comfortable, happy friendship. I loved him for it.

A man named Wilson Brown was in charge of the Dance Band and all of its affiliates. He noticed the friendship Brian and I were forming and mentioned to me once how glad he was to see it. He saw through Brian’s thick skin, too, I think. I’d often catch Wilson smiling at me after he’d seen Brian and I talking.

As is very typical of moi, I’m often a comedian when I’m not trying to be. And I was the same 20 years ago. As the singer in the band, I was very nervous and had several undesirable habits that would show their ugly faces when I was singing in front of people. I’d chew on my necklace if I wore one, so I stopped wearing them. I’d blow bubbles with the gum that I chewed to keep my mouth moist when it was bone dry because nerves. And I was always getting the thin, heels of my cool, ‘80’s ‘spiked heels’ stuck in the cracks of the portable risers we used on stage. These habits gave Wilson fits.

However, the worst issue I had was Brian’s to deal with. It became a regular occurrence for me to get my foot caught in the microphone cords as I turned to walk away after singing, thus causing all of the microphones to fall over like a bunch of dominoes. Brian would have to come up from the back and help to straighten it all out. But he never once complained. He’d just fix the mess and favor me with a grin.

Once, after a particularly bad night of my knocking everything around (I can still picture Brian standing on the floor in front of the risers sorting cords), he looked up at me as I was putting music away and said, “If you can go a whole dance next time without knocking over a mic…I’ll give you four big packs of gum.” He grinned mischievously and I agreed to give it the ol’ college try. After all, I was in college. Brian knew that gum was a great motivator for me! It was scarce considering my college student pocketbook and I was a gum fanatic! So, with great concentration, I did finally achieve a “no knock down” dance the next weekend. Sweet Brian said he’d bring my gum over as soon as he could.

I wasn’t home the next day when Brian brought the gum. I just came home to find a shoebox sitting on our lovely orange college couch and my roommates explaining that Brian had left it for me. I smiled, salivated at the thought of four big packs of gum and opened the box. What I found was four chewing gum ‘units’ containing 30 packs each of gum! Brian had bought one box each of the four Wrigley’s flavors, Spearmint, Doublemint, Juicyfruit and Big Red! I couldn’t believe it! A very creative mind hid behind that grouchy façade! (The gum wrapper chain I made from that gum is over 26 feet long, never ceases to amaze my children and is one of the treasures cached away in my cedar chest to this very day.)

I couldn’t believe he’d done so much for me and couldn’t imagine how much it had cost. As a gesture of thankfulness and friendship, in return I baked him some peanut butter cookies and took them to him in a basket I had laying around. When I dropped the basket of cookies off at Brian’s apartment, I told him that if he’d return the basket to me, I’d fill it up with cookies for him again. Oh, Brian returned the basket all right! He brought it to our front door a few days later overflowing with a lovely flower arrangement! He’d taken the basket to the florist and had them load it up for me. I couldn’t believe it! He had turned out be quite the romantic fellow.

He remained a darling friend to me in so many ways that semester. He took my friend and I home from a performance of “The Pirates of Penzance” one night when it was about 190 degrees below zero and had begun to snow. I don’t know how he managed it because I’m sure he was supposed to have helped pack equipment after the performance. But he dropped everything to make sure we got home safe and warm. He continued to completely baby me during dances and practices and bestowed those rare grins upon me almost constantly.

As our friendship grew (even through the second grossest haircut I’ve ever had in my life) Brian lightened, freshened up, shaved regularly, smiled, laughed and I saw the unique, rare individual who just needed a friend. He unknowingly taught me to be careful in ‘judging a book by its cover’…that some of those books we see with the tattered, faded covers and dog-eared, yellowed pages, turn out to be the best books we ever read! The ones we want to hold onto forever…the ones we never forget or quit loving.

The semester ended and I was sorry to leave him to go home for summer because I knew things would change and that Brain would be lost to me for the rest of my life. He was still the head sound tech guy for the college and this meant that he would spend the summer traveling around the with the Ricks College Showtime entertainment group. I knew that I would probably never see him again because when summer was over, he was planning to take time out from his education to serve a full-time, two-year mission for the Lord and the Church. Furthermore, I was falling deeper and deeper in love with far away young man named Kevin.

So, Brain and I said our goodbyes and went our separate ways. I went home and started my summer job at a local clothing store. I did hear from Brian, though. He would send me postcards from the various places that the entertainment group was performing. And then, early on the morning of August 16th, 1984 (my 19th birthday), my mom got me out of bed to take a phone call. It was Brian! The group was traveling through Albuquerque and the tour bus had stopped for breakfast! He asked me if he could come by and take me to breakfast for my birthday. Of course!

I ran around like crazy women and was ready when I heard a rumble growing louder and louder coming down our suburban street. I head the exhaust and brakes of an 18-wheeler and looked out my front window to see a huge semi-truck and trailer with “Ricks College” written in letters as tall as me across the side. Brian stepped out of the cab and came up to the front door to get me. I truly don’t think I’d been more joyous over a reunion in my life! He was like a breath of beloved memory drifting into the day and we hopped in the Ricks College sound equipment truck and headed out for breakfast at JB’s Restaurant.

By this time, Kevin and I were planning on getting married, even though we weren’t officially engaged yet. But, somehow, I couldn’t tell Brian that day. I simply wanted to enjoy our last friendly moments together. And I did. After breakfast, he tucked a twenty dollar bill (“For your birthday,” he said.) into my shirt pocket, blessed me with one final roguish grin and drove off into the sunrise leaving me feeling melancholy and missing a friend.

I returned to school, Kevin and I became engaged and I started rehearsing with the Dance Band forever missing that special soundboard guy with the hearing loss. Then one cool September morning, as I entered the rehearsal room ready for band practice I turned to see Brian standing there smiling at me. He’d come to see me one last time before he left on his mission. We talked and smiled and I still couldn’t tell him about Kevin. I knew that even though Brian had never said anything and never would, he’d always wanted us to be more than just friends. I hugged him good-bye and felt that sharp, painful heart-pang we feel when we know we’re giving up something we love. I knew that this really was the last time I’d never see me dear friend and teacher. With one final grin, he left and I cried.

Brian called me when he first entered the training center where he was preparing for his mission. It was then that I told him about Kevin. And do you know what his reaction was? He congratulated me, sincerely. Then he asked to talk to Kevin, telling him what a special person he was marrying and that he was truly happy for us, proving himself to be, once again, a man above men…a hero of my heart.

I still miss Brian…I always will. And I hope for a day when I can thank him for his friendship and for what he taught me about people and the power of caring and love. He’s a piece of the puzzle of my heart. One of the clearest pictures in my mind is Brian’s face when he wore that mischievous grin.