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And you communicate in every role you play - friend, colleague, parent, spouse, coworker, leader, you name it. Since we communicate all the time, you`d think we`d all be pretty good at it, yet sadly that isn`t the case.

We can - and we must - get better at it.

Let me prove it with one question.

When was the last time you said, or thought, "I already said that, weren`t they listening?"

I`m guessing your answer is less than 24 hours ago, and certainly not more than a few days.

The harsh reality is that just because we say something, doesn`t mean our message is heard (or acted on). Depending on the situation and the role in which that happens, this could cause anything from an inconvenience or frustration to a huge issue and everything in between.

And while we can`t make the other person hear us, we can do much to improve our communication skills and approaches. We can take command of what is in our control. The four factors that follow are in your control. You can refine your communication with any or all of them to be more consistently effective.

Amplitude Of course what you say must be spoken loud enough to be heard, but this goes far beyond that. We want to use our amplitude to be noticed. Maybe you need to speak louder, but maybe you could whisper. And often we communicate best with our actions. Like the song says - "you say it best, when you say nothing at all."

Once, many years ago as a trainer, I practiced making a particular point by raising my voice to get people`s attention. It worked, but I received feedback that, in that instance, it seemed out of character for me and wasn`t as effective as it could be. My response? I changed my approach to almost whispering the key message. The result? Much more impact.

Amplitude matters.

Media This area gets a lot of play today with new technologies for communicating emerging seemingly every day. Of course you should think creatively about how you can use Twitter, Facebook, Web videos, podcasts and the like (and the "old-news" stuff like email, voice mail and PowerPoint). But don`t forget about a whiteboard or flipchart, the bulletin board, a post it, face to face conversations, effective meetings, and just asking great questions.

The number of media options is large, and therefore offers us many opportunities - from whatever role and to whatever audience we are communicating. Rather than getting overwhelmed, keep trying new things while remembering the old ones, and realize that the best answer is seldom only one medium.

Amplitude and Media should be flexible, tested and evolving. You will benefit by trying different things, mixing up your amplitude and media, and constantly looking for a fresh way to get people`s attention. Remember, without their attention we have no shot at effective communication.

Frequency For a communication to be heard and remembered, you will likely have to say it more than once. Why? There is lots of noise and distractions in our lives. There is lots of competition for our ideas. And, as you`ve probably heard before, "repetition is the mother of learning."

Ad agencies sell companies on this idea. Research says that we must hear a message 10 or more times before we really have it in our memory. Regardless of the source of the advice, the fact is clear. If you want to be an effective communicator, you must be willing to share your points over and over.

Once is seldom (if ever) enough.

Message Want your message to be heard and remembered? Then make the message memorable. Think slogans (Just Do It) and alliteration ("Perfect practice makes perfect."). Think metaphor and analogy (how is your point or situation like something else that is unrelated?). Think acronym (like you will soon find in this article) or acrostic (where the first letters of the message spell out a real word).

These devices provide a shorthand for and a touchstone to your message. They work because they take into account how our brains work. They will work best when you put the memorable message in the larger context or meaning (so the slogan or acronym isn`t discounted). But even with the risks of discounting or worry about dumbing down a message, these devices are important, when used as a part of your overall communication strategy.

Frequency and Message should be consistent. Through amplitude and media you are heard, now you want your message remembered, whether through pure repetition (frequency) or a particularly memorable way of getting our message across.

Amplitude, Media, Frequency, and Message - notice that they create the acronym AM / FM, an apt reminder of how you can "tune" your communication skills just like you tunes in your favorite radio station.

While I have shared examples from a leadership perspective, these four tools apply to all of your communication, from leading to marketing to parenting to any other situation you choose.

Consider and use all four of these suggestions. Each will help. Taken together they will greatly improve your effectiveness and your ability to be heard and influential with others.